Переписать эссе на юридическом английском

Нужно переписать готовое эссе, не понравилось как мне написали, слишком много воды (не более 1500 слов)
Задание:
Shareholders are often regarded as having the ability to actively monitor director behaviour and promote good corporate governance standards within a company. However, shareholders are likely to monitor director behaviour to the extent it benefits them. Where a company has a dispersed shareholding there is little point in shareholders investing a significant amount of their time monitoring director behaviour
Critically analyse whether the comply or explain approach used in the UK relies too heavily upon shareholders to monitor director behaviour. Should the UK adopt a hard law approach to corporate governance, as seen in the US?